20.4.3: Hope everyone has a Happy Easter.. I'm all for secularized holidays that involve getting something for nothing.. especially when it's candy you find on the ground.. MMmm.. Dirty, dirty sweets..
31.3.3: Happy Seward's Day!
"Seward is etched in the consciousness of Alaskans as the man who struck the deal to buy Alaska from Russia, but how many know he was stabbed by an assassin the same night President Abraham Lincoln was killed?
Sewardís work as an abolitionist in the Underground Railroad, his presidential primary campaign against Lincoln and his diplomatic maneuvering that kept Europe out of the Civil War are not details Alaskans commonly mention when talking about the statesman from New York."
Read the full article here. (If only to hear from our favorite Dr. Haycox.)
I know everyone's a good person inside
Everyone wants just to be loved inside
So whenever I think how you wasted my time
I try and remember the good things inside
- Jill Sobule
"You weren't insane. You were simply doing your duty. You killed that pussycat in as manly a way as anybody could've under the circumstances."
Clay looked at him suspiciously. "What the hell are you talkin' about?"
"That cat was a spy. You had to take a pot shot at it. It was a very clever German midget dressed up in a cheap fur coat. So there was absolutely nothing brutal, or cruel, or dirty, or even --"
"God damn it!" Clay said, his lips thinned. "Can't you ever be sincere?"
X suddenly felt sick, and he swung around in his chair and grabbed the wastebasket -- just in time.
When he had straightened up and turned toward his guest again, he found him standing, embarrassed, halfway between the bed and the door. X started to apologize, but changed his mind and reached for his cigarettes.
- "For Esme' -- with Love and Squalor," J.D.S.
7.8.1 Shrugs for tots..
When there's no one left to hate...
Man I love Edward Gorey..
4.8.1 The height of a forest
If wishes were inches...
- "The Laughing Man," J.D.S.
3.8.1 mia maxima culpa
...I mean in order to be a Satan worshipper, you have to accept what the Bible is saying is true, that there is a devil and this is what he is like, in order to believe in him; or else you have to say that there is a character in a book that you think is really cool and want to pretend like heís real, in that case, may Willy Wonka strike you dead. In the case of witches, its like you not only accept that in the historically patriarchal Western society there were certain elements of communities, namely women, who did things that did not fit into neat pigeonholes and therefore they were in cahoots with the Devil, Nature Ė which up until the start of last century was a euphemism for the Devil, or something worse, but you go one step further and say yes they were doing something iffy and this is what it was. Its not that they were women who chose to live a different lifestyle, or had knowledge passed down of herbs and remedies that today we would call homeopathic but then were magical in the face of the science-blind cure nothing tonics of the medical world at that time, but in your eyes they were witches. And not only that, you attempt to ritualize and boil down a large spectrum of human existence, namely all the things women could want to do that men are allowed to do, and make it a fluffy religion that not only does not do justice the human spirit, but turns the lives of those women into a religion like the ones you are trying to avoid. Just because someone lives differently doesnít mean you have to turn it into terms you can understand in your times; just because there is a lesbian couple it doesnít mean one is the man and one is the woman and so just because someone lives their life according to different standards, doesnít mean it fits into a neat ritualized package to scare you parents and pastor with. And even if youíre not trying to ritualize the lives of those people, you can never be them; you canít come up with a religion after the fact, or pull a Goddess out of thin air; at best you could say you have solidarity with those in the past who were labeled witches. But sometimes its best not to say anything.
Now I know sometimes its awkward to find out that what you feel inside has a name, because no one can truly have ever gone through what you have before and somehow youíre unoriginal. Thatís the same crap that makes us have to be the only ones to like a movie, or the first to discover a band. Existentialism, as Sartre succinctly put it, means that existence precedes essence. What does this mean? It means that if you had a book, before anything else, it is but ink of paper; you must read it and decipher the symbols into words and then flush out the meanings in your head, and not only the meanings of the words themselves, but how they operate within the cultural context you yourself represent. To me then, an existential crisis is when one gets so overwhelmed by the layers upon layers of meaning enforced by society upon the idea of reading the book, before one can even get to the library. Sometimes you just have to step back and realize that a word is just a word or that it only has meaning for you or that a moment in your life, eating a tangerine letís say, encapsulates an overwhelming spirituality for you. When we are left wondering what to believe in, what it all means, we forget to look at the things that really exist in life, as they exist, and give them meanings for ourselves. I think that whole heartedly ascribing to an ideology, whether it be feminism or Christianity or Republicanism, as it is written, without looking at individual situations and the unique people of the world in those situations, is dangerous. I know that people say that religion causes wars or is a prop for the proletariat, but I think that is by definition. I think of religion as the codification of a set of beliefs; the unwavering reliance on a set of beliefs without thinking of individual circumstances as I said before, is where people get blinded to reality. I think it is important to learn and love on a personal scale, and realize what one believes instead of vice versa. I donít like the idea of ascribing to a certain ideology limiting me to what I can love or how I can live. But thatís just me. Donít believe everything I say.
2.8.1 reach out and touch
...and if you feel like loving me
if you've got the notion
I second that emotion...
I sometimes listen to the Oldies station on the way home from work if the New Wave station is yapping too much or if NPR isn't yapping enough, and I've heard two versions of this song, a boy band and a girl band version. I like it because it reminds me of that Tina Turner song I could never figure out; is she saying a second hand in motion or a second hand emotion? I guess it really doesn't matter. I'm staying home sick today. I've got my bowl of creamy tomato soup and some melted muenster on pumpernickel. All I need now is to watch Dark Shadows and I would feel pampered like I was staying home sick in high school. Two lessons from yesterday: Even though the kool aid package looks cool and remind you of being a kid and is only thirteen cents BUY SUGAR DAMNIT OR YOU'LL DIE. It tastes worse with Vodka... Even if you think its funny to console a distraught co-worker by comparing her situation to a Jerry Springer situation, IT PROBABLY ISN'T FUNNY. (i.e. "Well since you never married him, if you leave him, you can call him your baby's daddy.. Isn't that funny? Just like on Jer.. I mean...Um, you go sister. Empower your self..")
1.8.1 Oui the People
Journeys into the Netherregions of vending machine hell: Volume III - by popular demand..
So my brother asked me if I got oreos today and later my sister, when I didn't IM back in time, assumed I had passed out from lack of Oreos. I would just like to say for the record, that I had the opportunity to have some today and squandered it. I only want Oreos certain times, the times when it is not fated for me to have them.
So this morning, I am getting a juice out of the machine - The Paradise Blend kind I complained about getting the other day, see Vending machine Vol. I, because yesterday I had one and **I won $2.00!!** behind the label. They mail it to me or something. I didn't write about it because it's not funny or interesting - not that I know why I am writing this. Maybe because the server is down again and I have to look busy even though I have a good excuse not to be working... But anyway, this morning the machine says exact change only and won't take my dollar so I put it into the snack machine and hit change return and it works!!! Why does this only work when I don't need Oreos!!! I tell you its a conspiracy!! So then I chug a bunch of quarters into the juice machine and it spits them all back out because one should be a dime. I hate machines. So then I have to go buy a bagel from the Nazi guy who runs the coffee shop because I can't just ask for change. **I'm not alluding to Seinfeld or anything, he really is a Nazi sympathizer.**
So that's my story...
Oh but here's a good Seinfeld allusion for you. You know when George gets the job with the Penske file and doesn't know what to do so he just puts the file into an accordian file and thats it... Well thats kinda how I work. I find new ways of not really doing anything. For instance, I have a really neat database started in Access called "Things I could be doing." You can run queries by supervisor, type of task, how long they think it takes me to do it, how long it really takes me to do it (usually previous query item divided by three), etc. This is what I get paid to do... and of course I write in here... On the other hand, my sister and Famous Dave claim that I get paid to chat with them and so that in a round about way they're putting me through college. Go fig.
I AM EATING OREOS! There I hope you people are happy. I am... though I wish they were double stuffed, which reminds me of skipping lunch in high school to watch movies with Corine and eat Oreos. Ah, good times. *crunch* I think we saw Reality Bites and Empire Records this way. Can't think of any others right now. Must be the rush of sugar.
30.7.1 If Wishes were Nickels..
...and if she had called my name
i would have ran to catch her...
- Last Wish
This shit rocks!
Tales from beyond the gates of vending machine hell: Part II
So I've got the oreos in my sights... Starring at them. All I have to do is enter 42 before I fog the entire glass front... And so what do I do? I ENTER FREAKIN' 14 AND BUY PEANUT BUTTER CRACKERS! NOOOOOOO!!! So then I HAVE to truck down to the lunch counter dude and spend an extra buck for chocolate milk (he sees that I am morose and makes it very chocolatey if thats any consolation.. its not) because you cant have peanut butter without chocolate milk, duh.
I think I must be damaged goods. I've seen chimps operate more complicated machinery...
Oh Oreos, you will be mine someday...
28.7.1 A is for Arrrrrrrgh
A prize to the first person who can tell me what's wrong with this:
P.O. Box 234181 Anchorage AR 99523-4181..
I felt my first earthquake this morning. At first I thought that James was screwing around with me since I never feel them, but things were moving pretty crazy and something fell off the table and I could see waves in the turtle tank...